There are almost as many ways to define good sex as there are people, and each of us is tasked with trying to talk about what makes sex good for us to our partners. It’s a daunting undertaking! Many have taken on the task of trying to find ways to form common language around how we should show up as ideal sexual partners; and from this some frameworks have emerged as popular and useful for people. Lots of people have found the GGG framework useful for informing the kind of sex they want to have, and when it comes to kinky sex, both SSC and RACK frameworks are popular. Here’s what these frameworks mean in practice, and what you need to know about using them.

 

GGG (Good, Giving, Game)

 

Popularized by sex writer and advice columnist extraordinaire Dan Savage, “GGG” is popular shorthand for being “good, giving, and game” in bed. For some people, it’s a kind of golden rule about what kind of sexual partner to strive to be, regardless of the type of sex you’re having or who you’re having it with.

 

As the name suggests, being GGG asks one to work toward being good in bed in terms of bringing as much skill and effort to the experience as possible. Obviously, being “good in bed” is a subjective concept, and what’s “good” for one person might not be for another; being “good in bed” isn’t just about having skill or experience with sexual technique, but learning what your partner likes and what’s most affirming and pleasurable for them. Being “giving” speaks to the importance of prioritizing your partner’s pleasure, making sure that they’re receiving at least as much attention and focus as you are during the sexual experience. For some people this might mean making sure their partner has an orgasm (or several); for others, it may mean lavishing them with a lot of foreplay or aftercare.

 

Being “game” is a little trickier to neatly define; it defines a sort of comportment or attitude towards sex more than any specific actions. Much like in other parts of your relationship, it’s nice to be with someone who’s broadly game for things — who’s open to trying a new TV show with you, or ordering from the Thai place you want to try instead of the pizza place they usually prefer, or who has the general quality of “yes and”ing you. In bed, this might mean someone who’s open to trying new things, and who is generally openminded about suggestions, feedback, and new ideas.

SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual)

 

“Safe, sane and consensual,” often represented with the acronym SSC, is a set of principles dating back to the 1980s that are often used as best practices specifically for kinky sex and BDSM. By following this set of guidelines, sex partners engaging in BDSM scenes or kinky sex commit to sex that’s safe — where all participants are experienced and skilled in the acts they’re undertaking and can have a reasonable degree of confidence that they won’t cause real harm to their partner. Safety in this context also refers to safer sex practices — making sure barrier methods are used, toys are sanitized, everyone involved has tested for STIs, and everyone is using enough lube to avoid undue friction or abrasions.

 

In a kink context, having “sane” sex speaks to whether everyone is consenting to the activities in question in a rational and sober state. This means being sober from drugs and alcohol, but also being emotionally regulated and not under the sway of any overwhelming emotions; it may not be advisable to dive into a kink scene when you’ve just received terrible news or been broken up with, or while you’re feeling activated in some other respect. 

 

Of course, it’s crucial for kink (like any sexual contact) to be consensual — this means that all parties involved have agreed, to some degree, on what’s going to take place and what they’re comfortable with and what they’re not. Ideally, limits and boundaries have been discussed, and you’ve agreed in broad strokes to what you’d like to do together. In some cases, a safeword or stoplight system may have been established to help communicate limits or boundaries during a scene.

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

 

For many people, it’s useful to update an SSC framework to the more recent best practice of RACK, or risk-aware-consensual kink. RACK is a departure in some ways from SSC in that it complicates the idea of “safe” BDSM practice or kinky sex as a requirement — not because safety isn’t a priority, but because it’s important to acknowledge that no sex act (including vanilla ones!) can ever be guaranteed to be entirely safe. Whether it’s miscommunication, someone sincerely not knowing their own limits, the risk of emotional harm from being accidentally triggered or a scene not going as you imagined, or just an accident of physics, there’s no realistic way to be sure that any sex you plan to have will be safe. This approach also acknowledges the subjectivity of “safe” and “sane” for different participants. What might be perfectly tame and relatively “safe” sex for one person might pose significant risks for someone with a different body or personal history. For people who live with persistent mental illness or a trauma history, they may never be fully “sane”; does this mean they should never be able to have the sex they want?

 

Instead, risk-aware consensual kink centers around the idea that each participant should take responsibility for being knowledgeable about the risks they’re undertaking by choosing to participate in a BDSM scene. This may mean researching the full implications of any activities they want to try ahead of time, and discussing their comfort level with any potential risks with their partner. 

 

This also has new implications for the “consensual” part of risk-aware consensual kink; in this case, it’s important to understand that each participant is consenting with the knowledge that there are inherent risks to the activities they want to do together, and are agreeing they want to do it anyway.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About GGG, SSC, and RACK

Which framework is “best”?
It depends on what you’re doing and what you need. GGG is a broad approach to being a considerate partner, while SSC and RACK are commonly used for kink and BDSM contexts.

 

Is RACK “less safe” than SSC?
Not necessarily. RACK acknowledges that no sexual activity can be guaranteed fully safe and focuses on understanding risks and consenting with that awareness.

 

Do these frameworks replace consent conversations?
No. They can help structure conversations, but they don’t replace specific agreements about boundaries, safer sex practices, aftercare, and what to do if someone needs to pause or stop.

 

Talking about sex gets easier when you have shared language for consent, boundaries, and what “good” looks like for you and your partner. At Little Gay Book, our work in sex coaching supports individuals and couples in communicating about desire, compatibility, and emotional safety with more clarity and confidence.

 

Dr. Frankie Bashan is a licensed psychologist, sex therapist, and professional matchmaker with over 17 years of experience working with LGBTQ+ individuals and couples. She specializes in relational dynamics, communication, and sexual compatibility. She is the founder of Little Gay Book and host of the Love, Laughs and Lessons podcast.

 

Recommended Books:

Playing Well With Others

Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

The Joy of Consent: A Philosophy of Good Sex

 

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