Butch versus Femme

Dear Dr. Frankie,

Why do I feel like a dinosaur???? I’m butch.


Dear Fossil,

What an interesting question.  This is a difficult question to answer not knowing what characteristic of a dinosaur you relate too.  From my own personal experience as a femme lesbian I can tell you that years ago when I went to gay bars no one thought I was gay.  People assumed I was the token straight girl hanging out with my obviously-lesbian friends.  Times have changed though and I see more and more femme lesbians.  I think in general our community is more open minded and accepting of women who have a wide range of style and physical appearances.

I also increasingly find that while many butch women seek out femme lesbians to date, many femme lesbians are also attracted to other femme lesbians.  Is your prehistoric self-identification related to dating frustration?

Lots of people may feel “behind the times” which may be what you’re referring too.  I would say spice things up for yourself.  This may include getting a new haircut, new perfume/cologne, new clothes, and change up your routine by pushing yourself to do new activities.  Sometimes we can get bored with life when we don’t push ourselves out of our comfort zone.  We may feel disconnected from people and new events in our environment by not being a part of them.  Joining an LGBT group or volunteering for events could also be another way to make life feel new and fresh.

Take the Butch-Femme Quiz

take the Butch

Quiz me!