What’s Getting In Your Way of Finding Love?

Are you unable to get that relationship you’ve always been wanting? 

Do you look around and somehow it seems everyone is happy in these great relationships? 

Do you wonder why you’re never the “lucky one”?

Are you tired of asking yourself when is it your turn? 

If you can relate to this, then I want you to take a minute and read this article because you may be stuck in what I call unenforceable rules. 

Unenforceable rules? What are those? And what do they have to do with you and having that relationship you desire so much?  Well..let’s first talk about what enforceable rules are. In short, these are facts, really.  Like: we need oxygen to stay alive.  Unenforceable rules are things we tell ourselves are facts, but really aren’t.  

Things like:

  • There’s only one soulmate out there in the world for me and one day they will come along and sweep me off my feet.
  • If I am not physically attracted to the person right from the get-go, then it will never work out.
  • I have to wait until I make a certain amount of money or my career is established until I can get married.
  • If somebody finds this (illness, debt, etc..) out about me they’re going to run for the hills.

If we believe these things, they have an effect on how we live our lives.

They can have a real impact on you finding that relationship you have been wanting so badly. Let’s say you believe the first thought about there only being one soulmate in the world.  If you truly believe in this Disneyland fantasy/Hollywood version of love then this alone may be the barrier keeping you stuck.  You could have missed out on many, many great partners with whom you could have had wonderful relationships because you have been sitting there expecting your soul mate to show up romancing you like some lead character in some movie.

There is not just one soulmate out there. And, real life is not like a movie.  


Perhaps you live your life telling yourself that there is something about you that would make someone “run for the hills.”

How could that NOT have an effect on you finding love?  You have already convinced yourself that nobody is going to accept, let alone love you.  So finding a relationship would, of course, be damn near impossible.

People have all sorts of these “rules” that keep them from finding love.  They are a form of “baggage”….something that holds you down and keeps you from being able to be in a relationship.  The problem is that most people aren’t aware that they have them, let alone know that they are having such an impact on their life.

So…what to do?  How do you know if you have any unenforceable rules that are holding you back from getting that relationship you want?

Start journaling.

This is a quick and easy way to become aware of what they are.   

Elicit feedback from someone you trust.

Ask them if they are aware of anything you say or have beliefs about in regard to yourself or relationships that they think might be keeping you finding love.  Don’t be surprised if they tell you things like, you are very insecure or that you will never find anyone who meets all of your expectations or that you secretly want to be single.    

You also don’t have to believe everything that you tell yourself.

Perhaps it is time to start questioning your “rules”. Certainly, having them has not done anything to help you find the relationship you have so been desiring.  After all, they really aren’t facts.  They are just “rules” you made up and, until now, just never questioned.  

So, I challenge you to look inward and see if there are any “rules” you are enforcing on yourself that could be keeping you from having that relationship you’ve been searching for.  

For more articles on How To Find Love see these other posts:

Lesbian Dating: When She Doesn’t Fall From the Sky, What Next?

How to Find Authentic Love

Dating With High Expectations or Fear of Committment?

How to Feel More Confident About Lesbian Dating

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