Lesbian Dating Advice: My Girfriend is Asexual – What Should I Do?

Kim from Seattle writes, “My Girlfriend is ASexual – What Should I Do?”
“I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 7 months and she is fantastic. Sweat and funny, a great person, but she is asexual and I’m having a hard time coping with it. My girlfriend struggles with depression, past trauma, molestation and a very heavy workload. As a result, she’s not very affectionate, we don’t have sex for months at a time, and I’m confused if I should stick it out or try to find someone I can have a fully affectionate relationship with, like I desire and want.”

Kim, this is a tough one…. It sounds like you really care for your girlfriend…. bu the truth is, she has a pretty difficult past, with trauma, childhood molestation, struggling with depression, and then a heavy workload.

You’re dealing with a lot – it’s not like you’re dealing with one thing (like only a heavy workload), that you could modify or adjust or depression, that could be treated… in therapy or with medication…, but then on top of all of this, she also has childhood trauma… AND she identifies as asexual. An Asexual person is one who has very little or no sexual attraction for anyone [this definition is different than what is in the video, thanks to the several people who commented and clarified the definition. The video can’t be reshot, but I’ve added a note to highlight the difference].

And you’re someone, from what I can tell, who feels the need for intimacy, the need for physical touch, affection and sex. So this is important! Like I’ve said before, in previous videos…. Affection, sex, intimacy, is the GLUE in any relationship… It’s what differentiates you from friends.

So, if you’re not able to have this in your relationship and you don’t feel similarly about intimacy or sex….if you were asexual too, than that would be fine, but it sounds like you’re needing more….

And like you said, you DESIRE it and you WANT it. You deserve it.

As difficult as it is, for me to say this, it sounds like you probably should cut your losses here and let her go and give yourself the opportunity to find somebody who is more compatible.

Good luck to you.”

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