Femme Lesbians: How to Get Picked Up

Are you a femme lesbian who struggles with no one ever picking you up and/or having people thinking you’re straight? I had the same problem. I share a little bit of my own story and share a couple of options of how to deal with this very frustrating situation.

Today we have a question from Dianna, who resides in San Francisco.
She writes, “I am a nice Femme girl and I never get picked up. Ever. I go to lesbian clubs, bars, sporting events, and even volunteer at film festivals and gay/lesbian pride events. What should I do?”

So this question, Dianna is an interesting one, for me, specifically because I had the
same problem. And I notice, and I don’t know if this is helpful, but I’ll share a little bit about myself: I noticed that when I cut my hair, I used to have very, very, long hair… when I cut it, people started to notice me.

But when I had long hair, what people said was that they thought that I was straight….
They thought that I was there with my gay friends or they thought that I was bisexual
and they didn’t feel comfortable talking to me.

The minute I cut my hair everything changed. Which I mean, ya know, I’m not encouraging
you to cut your hair, but it says something about our community. And just about humanity….
Human nature…. And what that means is that people feel more intimidated by what they don’t know. So, when somebody looks at you and they think,

“Well… she looks straight, she’s really feminine…I’m afraid to take the risk of going over to her and introducing myself because I might get rejected.”
Most people fear rejection, so they just decide not to take the risk and avoid it all together… and then YOU end up feeling like you can’t meet people.

So, I would….if I were to have long hair again, today, I would probably NOT cut my hair and I would just be strong, and confident and try to tolerate that and take the risk of going out of my comfort zone and introducing MYSELF to people. That’s what I didn’t do. I sort of hung back and was hoping that somebody would notice me and introduce themselves to me, which never happened…. Until I cut my hair.

So, I would say, embrace who you are, be confident and go over to people and introduce yourself. And you may get the question of, “Oh are you here with your gay friends? Are you straight?” And you can confidently say, “No. I’m a lesbian. I’m actually VERY gay. Nice to meet you.”

Good luck and take care.

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