Hey everyone! Dr. Frankie here. This is a topic that comes up very often with clients and I thought I’d share it here because I think it will be helpful to many. It’s a topic where people feel like there’s just not a lot of information out there about it. It’s a topic people avoid because it’s pretty anxiety provoking. And it’s one that is difficult to discuss so we tend to avoid it. One reason I developed the Little Gay Book Community is because I wanted to create a safe space where we CAN talk about the tough stuff even though it sometimes scares the shit out of us.
This is a topic that was suggested by a member in our community. So thanks for the suggestion. She asked, Who pays for what when dating and do we need to discuss money when dating early on. Initially if you’re on the 1st, 2nd or 3rd date you can certainly offer to pay especially if you’re really liking this person and want them to know. But once you’ve been on more than a few dates and it’s clear you’re both interested in continuing to date each other you’ll want to have a conversation about money. If you’re in a position to pay for more because you make more money and that’s what you’d like to do then you can absolutely offer to foot the bills more often than not but just because you’re in that position doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a brief conversation about it. Similarly if you’re dating someone who appears to make more money than you and is willing to treat you more often than not, you’ll want to check in with them and have a brief discussion about what you’re noticing and how it might feel to both of you so that you’re on the same page and there are no assumptions being made.
If you’re someone who feels more comfortable going dutch then state that. You can always say something sweet like — I’ll treat you and you can treat me and ask them how that sounds to them.
The money conversation doesn’t need to be extensive or drawn out in a way. In fact, you’ll want to keep it really light and simple. You might want to say something to the effect of — I wanted to just quickly check in money and dating, is that cool? And then just see where the conversation goes..most likely you’ll both be relieved because you’ll better understand each other’s wants/needs pertaining to money when dating early on and you’ll both feel seen and heard. Really isn’t that what’s most important here.?
If you’re interested in learning more about the Little Gay Book Community where we get to discuss relevant and sometimes difficult topics like these on a regular basis and connect with quality women who are relationship minded please visit https://little-gay-book-community.mn.co. Thanks for listening.