Wading into the world of gay culture, sex and dating can be overwhelming — from history to pop culture to norms for meeting people socially and romantically, it can feel like there’s too much to get caught up on. One thing that can be tricky at first is navigating terminology within the community. If you’re trying to find your footing on the apps, you may see people describing themselves or what they’re looking for in terms you’re unfamiliar with. No need to panic; here’s your comprehensive guide to the different types of gay men.
Top/bottom/vers
Many gay men — especially on dating apps, where matching for sexual compatibility is the goal — identify as a top, bottom or vers, indicating whether they prefer to be the penetrating partner, penetrated partner, or are interested in either role depending on the situation or partner. Some men might identify as a specific subtype of these roles — like a dom top — or find that one of their other identities has something important to do with their sexual role, like being a twink bottom.
Bears
Bears are a specific gay subtype that often hews to a specific “look” in terms of body type and aesthetic; it also refers to an active community and subculture with its own values and norms. Bears often have bigger bodies and/or bellies, body hair including long beards, may be older (40+), and may also be involved in biker and/or leather subcultures (see “leatherman” elsewhere on this list).
Cubs
Cubs are what they sound like — younger men with a bigger body and who wear their natural body hair who are aligned to some degree with the bear subculture and may identify as a bear later as they age.
Wolves
Wolves are also older, mature men who wear body hair and beards, but may be leaner or more conventionally muscular or “built” than bears, who tend to have more of a “teddy bear” body type. In the natural world, wolves are apex predators, and similarly, gay men identified as “wolves” may be tops with a strong appetite, or who may seek out twinks who are younger and more submissive than them. (Some people also use the term “fox” or “silver fox” to identify an older male gay top with natural body hair.)
Otters
Otters are usually younger (20s-30s) men with a medium amount of body hair and a slender to athletic build — otters may have previously been twinks at a younger stage of their lives, and may at some point come to identify as bears or wolves.
Twinks
Twinks are younger gay men who are often imagined as slender, delicate, and hairless, maybe even removing their body hair. Twinks are often imagined to be bottoms, or more submissive partners.
Circuit gays
This term relies on defining another one: “circuit parties” refer to a series of parties popular with gay men that happen throughout a city or even all over the world, usually featuring house music and some degree of recreational drug use. For people involved in the circuit party scene — and who may travel to attend multiple parties back to back, as a circuit — there’s a specific aesthetic that’s widely popular, with a very lean, muscled and manicured physique and featuring some popular party look accessories like leather harnesses, jock straps or other athletic wear. A circuit gay can refer to someone who’s involved in attending circuit parties regularly, and who may also adopt this aesthetic.
Muscle gays/muscle queens/gym bunnies
For some gay men and their subcultures, a specific muscular physique is important and desirable — the practice of getting and keeping this kind of physique through diet and exercise can become a big part of someone’s life. Muscle gays, muscle queens or gym bunnies might have the body or physique of a hyper-masculine bodybuilder or athlete, but affiliate with typically gay culture, social norms and mannerisms. You may find them flexing in selfies on Instagram or taking videos of their workouts at the gym.
Daddies
Twinks are younger gay men who are often imagined as slender, delicate, and hairless, maybe even removing their body hair. Twinks are often imagined to be bottoms, or more submissive partners.
Whether or not these men actually want to be called “daddy” in bed, “daddies” refer to older, established gay male tops with a dominant personality, and often financially stable. They may end up in sexual or romantic pairings with twinks or with younger gay men.
Jocks
Some muscled men aren’t just in it for the looks and the community, but are putting their jockstraps to work on rugby or soccer teams, or hitting the pavement to put their miles in. Jocks may have their own intensely networked community and social circles around either playing or watching sports.
Drag queens
The drag scene is alive and well, both in terms of men who love consuming culture like Drag Race and queens who perform at either an amateur or professional level. These men are often interested in the craft and mechanics of performing as well as the gossip and social layers of the drag scene; they may also be buffs of gay history and archival culture, following drag’s deep roots in US gay history and social movements.
Chubs
As the previous categories get at, a lean, muscled aesthetic is a commonly celebrated one in much of gay culture. Counter to this, “chubs” are gay men who are fat or have bigger bodies — but who may exist outside of the “bear” label, either because they don’t fit the physical ideal with heavy body hair and a round belly or because they don’t identify with the community. Thin men who date chubs may be referred to as chub chasers, which is a distinct dynamic within the gay community that’s separate from the more mainstream term “chubby chaser” that can refer to straight people.
Leathermen
There’s another aesthetic that may come to mind when you think of some gay men: leather pants, vests, or caps, bulldog harnesses around the chest, maybe biker gear or aviator shades, and a heavy 80s mustache. Men who fit this description are often involved in the leather subculture: a gay & queer community organized around kinky sex and relationships of power exchange, as well as some specific social hierarchies and traditional practices unique to the leather community. Leathermen may participate in specific leather social events (usually distinct from generally “kinky” events like munches), or even major competitions like International Mister Leather, and generally seek out dynamics with a strong power differential, like Dominant/submissive.
Discreet/DL/trade
Not all the men you meet in gay spaces or on hookup apps identify as gay or queer, even if they’re seeking out gay sex. “Discreet” or “DL” men may be living as straight or in relationships with women, and looking for gay hookups at the same time (maybe with a set of faceless photos on an app) without identifying as gay or bisexual. “Trade” is a linked but slightly different concept; it might refer to men who are very masculine and who “pass” as straight but who still have sexual contact with other men (though “trade” is usually a term others will use to describe someone, whereas “discreet” is a self-descriptor).
Recommended Books:
How To Be Gay
The Bear Book: Readings in the History and Evolution of a Gay Male Subculture
Gay Science: The Totally Scientific Examination of LGBTQ+ Culture, Myths, and Stereotypes
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