It can be scary to set your sights on something new, especially when it comes to dating. I get asked all the time for tips on how to date if you feel shy. Allow me to share with you my Shy Girls‘ Guide to Dating.
Dating for the introverts can feel like navigating a tough mudder competition; initially agonizing with lots of electric fences and freefalls along the way. The hope is that there is a bountiful reward waiting for you at the end of the course. Most people want companionship, but the urge to avoid the anxiety that accompanies dating often derails one’s desire to jump into the dating scene. For some, online dating can be a step in the right direction. The problem becomes when it is time to meet face to face, it’s met with great hesitation and even perhaps self-sabotage.
Shy folks, do not feel alone. It is in fact quite common and experienced across a spectrum. Shyness can range from mild to moderate, to hive-inducing anxiety. Some people are overwhelmed with intense and persistent fear of being judged and/or humiliated in a social situations; this is known as social phobia. Social phobia can interfere with one’s social, professional, and family life. Seeing a therapist to treat social phobia can be incredibly helpful and even alter your future by learning new skills to cope. If you fall into the shy category, including social phobia, remember you’re not alone.
Many people, in fact 40%, identify themselves as being shy. Shyness is characterized as feeling worried, awkward, or tense when socializing. Many shy people ruminate over what they’re going to say in a conversation, hesitate when initiating a conversation, or speak really fast, in hopes of pushing through the conversation. Remember, even if you’re anxious it’s likely the other person doesn’t see just how anxious you feel. Just keeping this in mind might help mitigate your anxiety levels.
Shy people are infamous for being their worst critic, and nitpicking every detail of their interaction with others. My first advice is to have compassion for yourself. Keep things in perspective, do you critique (or notice) every behavior other people make? Probably not because you are so conscious of your own actions. Well most likley the other person is equally concerned about the impression they are making on you! My point is that you are not alone, so take a deep breath, be in the moment, and let the conversation flow. SHY GIRLS’S GUIDE TO DATING – PART 2
