She was attractive, intelligent, and had her stuff together – And then she ghosted you. It’s called “Mosting” and it’s incredibly painful

You sit there looking at your phone re-reading your last text to her for what must be the 50th time since you sent it 3 days ago.

As if THIS time, the words will somehow read differently and put an end the question you’ve been incessantly asking yourself (and pretty much anyone with whom you’ve come into contact): why hasn’t she responded?

As if THIS time, the words will somehow read differently and put an end the question you’ve been incessantly asking yourself (and pretty much anyone with whom you’ve come into contact): why hasn’t she responded?

Let’s face it. She was the first one in what seemed like forever who caught your eye.

She was attractive, intelligent, made you laugh, and had all sorts of things in common. Everything seemed to be so easy, exciting and fun!  Even she said so. You actually let yourself start to think she might finally be someone you could fall in love with.

Dating for just under 3 months. You’d been texting and talking everyday, like you couldn’t get enough of each other.

Then you simply text her asking nothing out of the ordinary. Just wanting to know where she wanted to go to dinner that night, and nothing. At first, you worried. Wondered if maybe she was in an accident. But, you checked her social media, and it stung to see she’d been posting after your text. Nope, she was just fine. You thought about texting again just to make sure she got your text. But, there were those dreaded “read 1:23 PM” words confirming she got it. Darn those read receipts letting you know you’re being ignored.

You reach out to friends for support and answers. All they say is that it sucks, but it happens to them all the time.

It’s called “mosting” and it’s the latest maddening dating trend. Defined as, “…when someone goes overboard on the fluff job and then vanishes. It’s not just someone being complimentary and flattering; it’s someone faking being totally smitten when they aren’t,” journalist Tracy Moore wrote. “It’s the worst of the love crimes in many ways, because a lot of people can act charming just for sex, but only a certain breed of total phony will cry love.”

“Mosting is ghosting, but where before you ghost, you completely love bomb the person with praise, compliments and faux perfect soulmate-type stuff,” she further clarified to the Huffington Post.

She seemed so into you for quite some time, but then disappeared. No explanation, just gone. You can’t believe this was actually “normal” and nobody seemed angry or upset about it for you.  You want comfort, support..not to be told to basically accept this as “just how it is now”.

Unfortunately, this is happening more and more often despite people saying they’re lonely or want a meaningful, loving relationship.

With the ever-increasing options and choices out there on the internet as more and more dating apps become available, I find that the consequence is a non-committal mindset.

People are afraid to commit just in case someone “better” or “more compatible” is out there that they don’t want to miss out on.

It’s what is referred to as FOMO, or “the fear of missing out”. By deciding to only date one person, they might just miss when that one “perfect” person decides to go online and “swipe right” on their profile.

So, even if the person you’re dating really seems into you for weeks…even months…they may not even be dating anyone else other than you…but when it comes down to the idea of closing off all possibilities, that’s where I’m finding there’s an issue.

I’m hearing two common stories lately from clients coming in:

  1. Say two people are out on a first or second date. One person perceived the other to have one possible flaw, so they go home and search and see hundreds of possible other matches that don’t have this flaw, and they’re gone, leaving the person they were so “into” before wondering what happened.
  2. Or, two people who have been dating for some time because they’re compatible, having fun and attracted to one another get to the point where one of them brings up exclusivity or commitment. The other person’s FOMO kicks in, and suddenly they’re distant and the relationship quickly changes and it’s over, or they just disappear with no explanation, leaving the other person hurt and confused.

That’s one major benefit of working with and hiring a professional Matchmaker like myself. I screen out people who are non-committal, fearful of missing out of something “better”, and match compatible people who really want to be in a loving, healthy, happy relationship.

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