When we think about “spicing things up” in bed or “trying something new,” we’re often considering exploring some form of a power dynamic or kink activity. Impact play — spanking, caning, flogging, anything that involves a purposeful impact on the body during sex — is often the most accessible and approachable entry point. But how do you know if you’re doing it right, and ensuring that it’s safe for all parties involved? Here’s what I recommend for people who want to get started with impact play.
Getting started with spanking
The easiest and most accessible entry point to impact play involves no special equipment or really new skills: it’s good old-fashioned spanking. You know the basics already: taking the flat palm of your open hand, you strike a partner repeatedly on their bottom and/or the backs of their thighs. For many people, this is an organic, fun and easy way to get into impact play — and may be as far as you ever feel you need to go!
Spanking can be a pleasurable way for both you and a partner to experience the core physical and psychological sensations related to impact play. From a roleplaying perspective, spanking is often associated with discipline or (light) punishment — it might be something you introduce from a kink standpoint when someone has been “bad,” maybe even on purpose in order to get “punished.” If discipline is something that turns you on, there are a lot of fun ways to riff on spanking: making the spankee count off the strikes or say “thank you” after each one, or having them get into a specific position and wait patiently for their punishment.
Even if discipline and punishment aren’t your thing, many people really enjoy spanking as a purely physical sensation on the plane of sadism & masochism. If possible, discuss ahead of time what kind and intensity of sensation the spankee is looking for — are they looking for light pain, like a 3 out of 10, or do they want to work up to a 10 by the end of a session? How will your bottom signal to you that they need a break, or that they need less intensity?
The experience of being spanked is a warm, stingy sensation that’s lightly painful at first and grows moreso over time as the area being spanked gets sore, giving you a lot of flexibility to work with as you strike harder or lighter. It’s best to build up sensation over time, starting out lighter and striking harder as you progress. (Test what different levels of intensity feel like on your own thigh before striking another person.) You can also vary where and how you strike someone — over underwear vs. bare skin, on the backs of the thighs as opposed to the bottom, etc. Before getting more involved in any of the more equipment-heavy aspects of impact play, give spanking a try!
Trying out implements and impact toys
Of course, there’s plenty to be said for whacking someone with objects in a sexual context — and for some people, having some ritual and novelty around implements and accoutrements is part of what makes kink or BDSM exciting. If this sounds like you, here are some options to try.
DIY implements
If you and your partner are ready to upgrade from open-hand spanking, it’s worth taking a quick look around your house before taking an expensive trip to the sex toy store. Some quick, easy household objects that can easily and safely be used for impact play:
- Rulers or paint stirrers
- Wooden spoons or rubber spatulas
- Belts, folded in half
- Back of a hairbrush
- Ping pong paddle
- Cheese or charcuterie board
Of course, if you’re using anything on bare skin, it’s helpful to be mindful of what can be easily cleaned or sterilized (silicone, metal, glass) and what can’t (wood), especially if you’re using implements that are also used for cooking.
Anytime you’re using implements for impact play, it’s important to keep safety in mind. Always make sure you’re focusing only on the bottom and thighs for any kind of impact play, where a concentration of muscle and fat means you won’t hit any bones or vital organs. It’s difficult to hurt someone badly with a wooden spoon as long as you stay in these areas, but it is possible to bruise or welt them more than they’d like, or even break skin. Talk before a scene about how intense to go, and whether your bottom is ok with marks or bruises; they won’t be able to tell if this is occurring, so it will be the top‘s responsibility to monitor this and stop if it looks like damage is occurring.
Paddles and flat, “slappy” toys
If you loved using wooden spoons or rulers and know you want more, it may be time to invest in a paddle. Relative to most other sex toys, paddles can often be fairly simple and affordable; even just a light piece of finished wood with a handle will work great, though of course if you want something fancier with a worked leather handle, you’re welcome to. If you’re at all handy, you may even find it satisfying to make your own as a simple woodworking project. Once you have your paddle in hand, practice on your own thigh and something like a pillow to practice the motion and what level of intensity feels best.
You may also be interested in exploring other slapping-style toys. For instance, paddles also come in silicone rather than wood, making them easier to sanitize and offering a different sensation that may sting more for the recipient as the silicone is more flexible. Sturdy straps or slappers are firmer than silicone but have more bend than a wooden paddle, offering the best of both a slap and a sting sensation — and looped-style slappers are a great entry level option for people exploring impact play, as they offer a loud sound and stinging sensation but aren’t heavy enough to cause much real damage.
Canes, crops, whips and “stingy” toys
For bottoms who know that they like a sharp “stinging” sensation that leaves them gasping — maybe someone who identifies as a masochist — there’s a whole other class of impact toy you may be interested in. Impact implements in the family of canes, whether they’re rattan or a synthetic substance like acrylic or silicone, provide intense, focused sensation that can often be quite painful. Because these toys have a smaller, more focused surface area, they may also leave marks or bruises much more easily than a large paddle, which for some people is a plus!
Whips are also an option for people interested in a targeted sharp stinging sensation, although they have more of a learning curve to use than canes do. A flexible silicone cane is a good starting point to whippier, more flexible toy; when you are ready to try a true whip, start with a shorter, thicker one if possible to help you learn technique and control first. Crops are also stingy and swishy while remaining fairly easy to control.
With both canes and whips, practice using them on pillows to perfect your technique before trying anything on your date, and be prepared to take constructive criticism after on what worked and what didn’t. In-person classes or skillshares or youtube videos from reputable players can also be a great resource for learning correct technique, which is crucial to protect both you and your date from unintended harm.
Rods, thumpers, floggers and “thuddy” toys
In the same way that some of us like to feel deep bass vibrating through our bones when we listen to music, some people prefer a “thuddy” sensation with deeper impact than a whip or paddle provides.
Some toys designed for thuddy impact are thick, round rods or thumpers, often made of leather or some slightly padded material to absorb some impact. Although they look more like a whip, many people also like floggers for this purpose — the weight of the falls combines a kind of thuddy sensation with the option of a stinging sensation as well if you’re able to target hitting someone with the very ends of the falls. It’s definitely a skill that needs to be learned, and not necessarily what you should start out with, but can be very fun and satisfying for all parties.
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