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Dear Dr. Frankie,


I have been engaged to my fiance for three years. This year we moved from Minnesota to Texas (I am from Minnesota and she is from Texas). After about 4 months things went wrong. We never saw each other, we worked opposite shifts, she drank all night into the morning, her family was rude to me, my job was terrible and she showed no support when I needed her. After about 11 months, She told me to move back home and she would finish out the lease of the apartment. Now, she is saying I ditched her, and she is very hostile to me on the phone. She won’t answer my calls, and it’s always on her terms when we talk on the phone or text. She is flying up to Minnesota for a wedding soon, but she will not say if she is moving back here. Even though she clearly she told me she was coming. I wouldn’t have moved if she was going to play this game of saying “oh I am moving,” and then have her say “oh I am not moving”. I just don’t get it.

Dear Frustrated,

As you know from first hand experience now, moving can be a very stressful experience. Demands get placed on the relationship that on occasion are insurmountable. Unfortunately it seems that this was your experience. My question to you is why are you remaining in contact with this woman? I’ve noticed that there seems to be an unwritten lesbian law that requires women keep in contact after a breakup, even a bad one. Well I’m here to tell you this is not only totally unnecessary, but flawed. Unless you have children in common or a property together that needs managing, if she is disrespecting you and playing games, MOVE ON. What’s done is done, don’t dwell on it. Learn from your mistakes and spend your energy on

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