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Feeling Lonely and Self Esteem

Dear Dr. Frankie,

I am a soon to be 46 year old African American lesbian and single. Actually I’ve been single for the past three years, which by the way feels like ten. I find it very difficult to get back on the dating scene after several past failures. I have realized that I made numerous mistakes while dating and have spent this time “trying to get myself together” but I’m a bit lonely and would like to find someone to eat dinner with and watch a movie. I am already aware that my self-esteem isn’t what it should be do you have some advice for me. I guess what I would really like to find is a good friend first.

Dear Lonely,

I think you are approaching your situation wisely in that you have used this time for introspection and are now seeking a friendship with dating/relationship potential.  Three years is certainly a healthy amount of time to process past relationships and the mistakes you might have made. I would encourage you to do some volunteer work that would put you in touch with other women who might also be in similar situations. LGBT organizations such as NCLR, HRC, a local LGBT center, or even a local ASPCA or HDear Dr. Frankie,

I think you are approaching your situation wisely in that you have used this time for introspection and are now seeking a friendship with dating/relationship potential.  Three years is certainly a healthy amount of time to process past relationships and the mistakes you might have made. I would encourage you to do some volunteer work that would put you in touch with other women who might also be in similar situations. LGBT organizations such as NCLR, HRC, a local LGBT center, or even a local ASPCA or Humane Society (is there a self-respecting lesbian who can really resist a furry friend in need?), are probably a bevy of single lesbians.  Aside from meeting other women with similar relationship statuses, the act of volunteering is a proven way to improve one’s self esteem.  It gives life an extra sense of purpose and meaning to know we are putting good deeds and energy back into the world. Other activities to consider, depending on your interests and activity levels, are local athletic leagues such as golf, tennis, bowling, or a local CrossFit affiliate.  If there is a LGBT geared book store, look for activities they host such as book readings or a book club.  Think about joining an organic community garden, hiking club, cooking club, check out craigslist.org or meetup.com for other ideas. If you are concerned that you are still repeating a negative pattern and it’s preventing you from meeting a friend or companion, consider seeking a dating or lifestyle coach.  Best of luck to you!umane Society (is there a self-respecting lesbian who can really resist a furry friend in need?), are probably a bevy of single lesbians.  Aside from meeting other women with similar relationship statuses, the act of volunteering is a proven way to improve one’s self esteem.  It gives life an extra sense of purpose and meaning to know we are putting good deeds and energy back into the world. Other activities to consider, depending on your interests and activity levels, are local athletic leagues such as golf, tennis, bowling, or a local CrossFit affiliate.  If there is a LGBT geared book store, look for activities they host such as book readings or a book club.  Think about joining an organic community garden, hiking club, cooking club, check out craigslist.org or meetup.com for other ideas. If you are concerned that you are still repeating a negative pattern and it’s preventing you from meeting a friend or companion, consider seeking a dating or lifestyle coach.  Best of luck to you!

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