Dr. Frankie’s Guide to Successful Dating

Lesbian dating can sometimes feel like a chore – the going out, the scanning the crowd, the wondering if she likes you, the small talk, the first dates…. If you’re not ready, it can be exhausting!

As a therapist, I’m not going to tell you to just “keep the faith” and “don’t be discouraged,” but while that’s a helpful pet talk, it’s not going to get you any closer to REALLY connecting with someone and REALLY having a relationship that fulfills you.

I believe there is someone special for everyone, and it’s just a matter of the right people meeting at the right time, with maybe a little smudge of good luck.

Some of these factors you can control, others you can’t. I always recommend stacking the cards in your favor by taking charge of things you are able to control.
In the spirit of self-improvement I introduce my guide to successful dating:

Ask appropriate questions

Take the opportunity to learn about your date’s interests. Employ active listening techniques which means you should be listening to your date’s responses, rather than just waiting to talk. Not only does this give you the chance to learn about her, it lets you see if they show interest in learning about you. Although you’re probably a wealth of interesting facts and stories, no one wants to hear about you all night. Keep your chances of a second date alive by showing interest in her.

A sense of humor is always great, but don’t be a clown.

Keep things light and on the first date try to shy away from politics and religion. There’s a time and place for everything and a first date isn’t it for those topics.

Talk about your interests but keep it positive and short.

You’ll learn if your date enjoys similar activities and this can tell you a lot about compatibility.

Everyone loves a compliment and they cost nothing to give!

You can pretty much assume your date took just as much time getting ready as you did. So why not acknowledge it? Stay genuine to avoid sounding phony, and don’t overdo the compliment-once is nice. Don’t be a creeper.

Even if you had a horrible day leading up to the date, treat your date night as a fresh start.

Feeling hung over? Call and reschedule. Missed yoga class and are feeling on edge? Get yourself together. Your date is present and is making herself available, so you should do the same.

Not Feeling the Chemistry?

Remember that even if there’s no love connection, your date might be friends or cousins with someone wonderful who is looking for a person just like you.

Don’t forget to smile.

If you look like a sour puss your date will get the wrong impression before really getting to know you. Also, leave the issues and tissues for later dates.


Many of my clients include bad manners in their deal breaker list. Make your mama proud and show your date you were brought up well. Don’t be rude to the wait staff or anyone else in a service industry. Hold the door open for your date, close the car door for her, and don’t eat until both of your meals have arrived. If your order is wrong, you don’t want to be a push over but… maybe on this date just eat it! Remember we’re making a first impression here.

After the first date, wait a DAY before contacting the person.

You had a life before them and you still should “act” like you have one after the date.

I hope you find these tips helpful. Want more tips?

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