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Everything You Need to Know About Buying a Strap-on Harness

For many of us, strap-on sex is an incredibly hot and appealing fantasy — one that calls for a lot of equipment. Picking out dildos can feel fun and exciting, but buying a harness that needs to fit your body and lifestyle may feel more daunting. Buying jeans is hard enough — how to approach shopping for such an intimate garment? Here’s what I recommend keeping in mind:

How do you plan on your harness fitting into your lifestyle?

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If you’re looking for a harness, you’re probably looking at strap-on sex in your future (great idea!). How you imagine that looking, and how it fits into your larger sex life, can help inform what kind of harness will work best for you.

Maybe you’re fairly new to strap-on sex, or want to try it with a new partner, and still aren’t sure whether it’s for you — you might be best served by an affordable starter harness, like the Good Vibes Entry Level strap-on, and decide later if you want to invest in something different. The Spare Parts Joque and . Tantus’ EZ Connoisseur are also great places to start. An affordable starter harness can help you figure out sizing, how you’d like a harness to fit you, and what’s most important to you when shopping. 

For some people, strap-on sex is a special occasion – maybe it’s something you and your partner love but don’t always do, or part of a specific kind of fantasy. In that case, maybe the goal is something that turns you and your partner on the most, like real leather in the Aslan Jaguar harness.

For others, strap-on sex is a regular and core part of your sex life, maybe even the main thing you do in bed. In this case, you might want something that feels more organic and involves fewer steps than stopping to put on a new garment with lots of buckles and straps — an underwear harness, like the Tomboi. If you know you have a date planned, it’s easy to put on and wear ahead of time. As a bonus, underwear harnesses are often machine washable — you can throw them in the laundry hamper like you would any other garment. 

Of course, the most important thing about using your harness is that it actually fits — while many harnesses are adjustable to a big range of body sizes, harnesses like the Voluptuous Vixen and Sportsheets Curvy Collection are designed to fit hips up to 72″.

How do you want your harness to make you feel?

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For some of us, a harness is just a (fun!) means to an end — but sex is very vulnerable and personal, and it’s worth taking into account how a different harness might make you feel, or how it might play into a dynamic with you and your partner.

If gender expression or butch/femme identity are an important part of your sexual sense of self, you may be interested in a harness that reflects that. Tomboi has a number of boxer brief options in underwear harnesses, and the Sasha or or Bella harnesses offer a functional underwear harness that’s also stylish and femme.

Maybe the way you want to feel is less about gender and more of an overall vibe — if leather gets you going, Aslan harnesses are a favorite for a reason, and come in a range of colors and aesthetics from classic black to steampunk to cherry red. For others, fishnet might be more your style.

What accessibility needs do you need to take into account when shopping for harnesses?

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Strap-on sex can be incredibly hot — and also pretty physically demanding. Luckily, there are a range of nontraditional harnesses that can make strap-on sex more accessible for everyone, even if putting on a complicated garment or thrusting with your full body weight isn’t going to work for you.

Thigh harnesses, like this one from Sportsheets or a leather number from Aslan, can help you wear a dildo your partner can use to penetrate themselves even if traditional penetrative sex doesn’t work for you — it’s easy for the wearer to sit down on a couch, bed or even in a wheelchair and have sex with their partner seated on top. 

A hand harness can similarly offer greater accessibility in holding a dildo or other toy even without strong grip strength or fine motor control, allowing more people to hold a toy to penetrate their partner with — and can even be great for solo play!

Finally, for the more daring among us, a face harness allows you and your partner to bring a whole new meaning to sitting on someone’s face — no matter what your mobility looks like.

For More Articles Check Out These Recent Posts:

Getting Into Role Play

Kinky Sex & BDSM 101

Everything You Need to Know About Buying a Dildo


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