Dear Dr. Frankie,
I have been having a hard time letting my ex girlfriend go. All I do is think of her everyday; I thought she wanted me as much as I wanted her. She wants no part of me now and I don’t know how to stop loving her. I can’t stop crying, my love for her was so strong and I can’t just stop because she’s not ready to be in a relationship. She gave me a key to her house told me she loved having me there when she got home, loved having me in her arms and in her bed. She told me she wanted to work on having a relationship with me. She wanted me to keep some of my clothes at her house so I wouldn’t have to keep bringing my bag over. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to make her feel like I was trying to move in so fast. Then a week later she said she wanted her space and that it didn’t feel like it was her house anymore. I’m so confused and the fact that she doesn’t want to talk about it with me anymore is upsetting. I don’t know how to move on anymore.
I am so sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult period in your life. Emotional pain can be much more painful than physical pain, and it sounds like you really love this woman. The unfortunate truth is that sometimes we just have to lick our wounds and take things one day at a time until we find our footing. Have hope and understand that it’s a matter of time until this happens for you. As difficult as it is to believe right now, your pain will subside and eventually abate all together. Take this time to focus on yourself and be self-reflective. Consider your recent relationship and its unfortunate ending, and think about what areas of yourself you could improve upon. Get involved in strenuous physical activity, ideally of a social nature (team sport, boot camp, CrossFit, dance class…) at least three times a week. You will greatly benefit from the adrenaline and endorphins that your body naturally releases as a result. It will improve your self-esteem and also help you cope with your emotional pain and loss. Force yourself to be social, take care not to isolate yourself. Many of us have a tendency to separate ourselves from our support systems at the very times we need it most. Spend time with friends and family, exercise, eat well, sleep well etc. In time by focusing on these areas you will feel better than you did before you met your girlfriend. These painful experiences are life lessons and they force us to look deeper within ourselves. You have the ability to learn and grow from this and I have every confidence that you’ll be better for it.