Am I Too Easy Going?

Dear Dr. Frankie,

I am the most reasonable woman anyone could ever meet!  I can not understand for the life of me why can’t I meet someone?  I am very easy going, drama free, cannot stand to argue, and I feel that anything can be talked about.  If the matter is serious go calm down then let’s talk later. I’m not a super model looking type, but I clean up damn well. I’m not insecure. I let my mate be my mate, not my child.  I’m not checking on their whereabouts- who are you with?  What are you doing?  I let you have you freedom, because at the end of the day you’re a grown up and you’re going to do what you want to do anyway.  So my big question is am I too easy going?  When I do meet a woman on the same page as me they just lose interest anyway.

-Easy Going

Dear Easy Going,

Being easy going is not a bad thing, the only part you may need to assess is, are you getting your wants and needs met.  Sometimes when we’re easy going we don’t think that others can fulfill some of our wants or we’re so independent we just do it our self; that is not a bad thing, but sometimes that means others don’t have to put healthy energy into the relationship.  Ask yourself are you expressing your wants and needs?  The good part in doing so is that it sends a message to your partner that you have boundaries, healthy expectations/limits, and self respect in regards to feeling fulfilled in a relationship vs. being too laid back where there is no challenge for the partner, because they get everything they want and they may not have to put energy into the relationship.  Have there been times you wanted to express what you’re feeling or things you wish your partner may do for you, but you held back in doing so not wanting to “rock the boat” or believe others can not meet expectations.  I’d also look at why the prior relationships have not worked, maybe your past partners wanted someone that was dramatic, and that just isn’t you.  Keep looking; balance is of the essence.  If they do something you don’t like-voice it!  That may provide a challenge for them and show that they have to put work into valuing a laid back woman!

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