You finally found her. She is easy to be around, fun, attractive, and really into you, too. You sometimes catch yourself lost in thought, reliving moments between the two of you. You love feeling the jolts of happiness when reality hits you that she’s really in your life.
Now, here comes the part where you start to freak yourself out. You worry about when or if this is “too good to be true” or “when this is all going to end”, or “go bad”. Stop right there. Not every relationship is doomed to fail. No relationship is perfect or without some disagreements or times of tension or irritation with one another. Sure, that is bound to happen if you are with anyone long enough. Shoot, don’t we all get irritated with ourselves every now and again? So, if you are feeling excited about your new girlfriend and your relationship, rather than letting any fears or worries creep in about everything headed toward splitsville…
Do these 4 things to be a good girlfriend and keep your relationship moving in the right direction.
1. Trust Her
This may sound obvious, but trust is a foundation for any healthy, loving relationship. Without trust, what is there but both of you worried about what the other might be doing whenever you are not together? A relationship full of any doubt is just not healthy.
Some say that trust needs to be earned and not just blindly given. However, if you are in a relationship with someone, you are essentially saying that you do trust them not to go around doing and saying things that would undermine you or your relationship.
Unless there are blatant red flags or actual evidence that your girlfriend is doing something to hurt you or betray your relationship, constantly asking her where she has been or who she has been with will only come across as controlling and paranoid.
If you do not trust the person you are with, then you either need to bring this up to them so you can resolve this issue, or you just need to realize that your relationship is not healthy for either of you and walk away.
It is not fair for you to constantly feel on edge and anxious, worried about what your girlfriend may or may not be doing behind your back. Likewise, it is not fair to her if she feels she is constantly having to defend herself and her actions to you in order to calm your unwarranted anxieties. She will only feel controlled and resent you over time.
You can also show your girlfriend you trust by opening up to her about things other people do not know about you. Being open and vulnerable creates emotional intimacy and fosters a stronger, more supportive relationship over time.
2. Respect That She Had A Life Before You (And Still Has One Outside Of You)
You both had hobbies, friends, habits, etc.. before you two met. While you two may spend the “honeymoon phase” glued to each other and cannot imagine spending a moment apart, eventually that time must come to an end and you need to come up for air.
Expecting your girlfriend to spend all of her free time with you when she has friends or family who have been missing her or she has been missing could lead to her resenting you and the relationship. She won’t want to feel she has to choose between you and the other important people in her life. And she certainly won’t want to feel guilty for wanting to spend time with other people than you. Or, worse, worried that you might be angry or even break up with her for choosing to do so.
Be honest with yourself here. When your girlfriend is not with you, are you more likely to:
A) Be thinking about how great she is and can’t wait to see her again? OR…
B) Anxiously holding yourself back from texting her, wanting to ask who she is with and what she is doing?
If you answered B, then it may be time to ask yourself if you really are ready to be in a relationship and/or expect too much out of your relationship and of your partner.
However, if your girlfriend is not spending any time with you and always making excuses for why she cannot be with you or make plans, then that is an entirely different issue. You both need to make each other a priority and spend time together to grow and create a healthy, happy relationship. You two just can’t be each other’s everything.
Allowing her to still be who she was and spend time with the important people and doing the things she enjoyed before you is so important. After all, you fell for her because that is what she was doing when you met her. Those people and those activities helped her to be just that person at the time you two met. Allow her to still be that person. It is healthy to have time in the relationship and time to do things independently.
3. Let Her Know You Know Her
There are billions of people in the world. But you chose her. There are reasons why, out of everyone, you are with her. What better way to be a great girlfriend than to let her know how amazing, unique and special she is by treating her in ways that help her to feel loved and happy…
To do this, you need to really listen to her and pay attention to her:
- When she points out something when you are shopping that she likes, take note.
- When she is talking and she mentions things that annoy her, take note.
- When you are watching TV and she reacts in certain ways to how a character treats someone else, take note.
These are all clues about her, her needs, wants, and what her preferences are. Once you know all of these things about her, go the next step and show her that you “get” her. This will help her to feel “seen”, “special”, and loved. What more could anyone ask for in being in a relationship? Isn’t that why we are in one? To be with the one person in the world who chooses to be with us because of who we are and what sets us out as unique and special?
4. Don’t Take Her For Granted: Check-In
This may sound obvious. But what does that really mean in a relationship? What does that look like?
We have all types of relationships in our life. We get many needs and wants fulfilled through those relationships. However, (for the sake of this blog, I am referring only to committed, monogamous relationships) it is only through our one relationship with our significant from which we get our sexual and emotional needs met.
When these needs are not met in our relationship, then that is where trouble can come in and where I often hear of people seeking to get these needs met outside of the relationship by cheating or having an affair. Having a sexual or emotional affair with another person is painful and detrimental to any relationship.
To be a good girlfriend, check in with her often to see if she is getting her needs met sexually and emotionally. Ask things like:
- How was your day?
- Is there anything I could be doing better in our relationship?
- Is there anything going on with you that I haven’t had time to know/hear about?
- Is there anything on your mind you want to talk about?
- How can I be a better partner to you? Is there anything you need from me to feel more loved or supported?
So many of us are great at taking our cars in for a tune-up or going into the dentist for a cleaning to make sure we are staying on top of things. We maintain so many other things in our life, yet staying complacent and in “autopilot” in relationships is so very common. Take the time to maintain your relationship just as you do anything else in your life.