Dating is a lot like traveling across the country: Your destination is California, but the detour you took to the Grand Canyon was breath-taking, awe-inspiring and the memory you always talk about.
Many of us want partners: Someone we can have dinner with, someone who will love us just the way we are and someone we have passionate chemistry with. That person is your destination – and in order to get there, you have to take “detours” into dating to find her.
Like traveling, it’s important to have a rough plan of how you’re going to make the most of your time – lesbian dating is similar. If you spend some time figuring out the things that are important to you before embarking, your journey will be more satisfying. If you spend time figuring out what you want in a date, your “dating travel time” will also be more satisfying.
1. Don’t Do Dinner
When meeting for the first time, meet for a drink or a coffee. This way, you only spend an hour or two in each other’s company and don’t feel like you’ve wasted your entire night. If you find you like each other, a more formal date can be planned.
2. Recognize red flags
If she says/does things that you are uncomfortable with (even remotely) or bothered by, don’t continue to date her.
For example, if you met her online and her physical appearance is much different than her online profile, she is not being honest about herself, and you are not obligated to spend hours with her. A simple, “It appears we don’t have anything in common, and I don’t want to waste your time, so I’m going to go. It was nice meeting you,” is all that is necessary.
3. Stick to your solid list of 3 “must haves.”
If she must have a job, then don’t date someone who was just laid off. While you might have chemistry with her, you need to trust yourself that your must have is important and this particular date won’t get you closer to your destination.
4. Stick to your solid list of 3 “deal breakers.” And be original with your deal breakers.
In almost every Consultation I perform, the women I’m interviewing invariably says, “My 3 deal breakers are smoking, drinking and doing drugs. Obviously, no one wants to be with someone with a substance abuse problem. But, I offer this: If the love of your life only smokes when she’s out with friends, are you REALLY going to kick her to the curb?
An example of an original deal breaker could include, “must laugh at farts,” “must pee in the shower,” and “must love Napolean Dynamite.” Those things might sound odd, but you’d be surprised how angry someone who doesn’t pee in the shower gets when someone else in the shower pees….
Smarter lesbian dating is as simple doing just that: Be a smart lesbian dater.
Know what your destination is, know what you will/will not allow, be open to the journey and have a sense of humor along the way.
It can sometimes be a bumpy ride, but don’t those ALWAYS make for the BEST stories?
Want more tips on dating smarter? Add yourself to my Matchmaking Database. It’s free, confidential and I might call you with a match.
